Yes today I address this to me as I’m my own priority right now. Although you may be able to benefit from a bit of re-setting too…okay, hello to you too… You may sense a tone 🙈
I’m just a little frustrated because anxiety was tapping on my shoulder half way through yesterday giving me the warning signs I needed but, ‘feeling well’ for a few days almost always makes me disregard these feelings because I think I’m fixed, I’m cured. Really building in to my own stigma here and trashing the acceptance I thought I was learning… but this blog is a truthful one and I stand by it being a ‘journey’.
I think overwhelm just got the better of me and after only 3 drinks when I returned home last night from trying to be a normal (use this word knowing it doesn’t exist – referring to social acceptable norms!) person and celebrating someone’s promotion – I flipped. I was a little anxious being in a busy place at rush hour and a few conversations pressed my buttons but I was determined to move on, I sat through it and I thought it ended okay…but no, alcohol ruined it for me. Often we can’t point blame when D&A (Depression and Anxiety) hit so right now I’ll point the fault at alcohol because it feels nicer to have a trigger. 😔😔 oh dear. Really feeling a bit low today.
So i’ve decided, (and have faith I’m well enough to do this today🙏🏻) that I’m going to press the reset button. Now and urgently.
This imaginary button is what I refer to as unplugging from the media driven multi-tasking world that is for the modern busy minded of today. I’m going to try and be mindful = single tasking, and really focusing on each task trying to be present and not be consumed by every other thought, message or feeling trying to intrude into my (hopefully🙏🏻) peaceful and concentration mode.
It’s something I always love the idea of and really enjoy when I master it, but it takes practise. Mindfulness can be practised in different ways and practise is the key word here. Changing a lifestyle, a mindset or habit takes dedication and commitment. But we mustn’t beat ourselves up the minute it takes a turn down a slippery slope (D will try and do this regardless, sneaky and malicious it’s like autopilot). We will find a way back up the slope though, we will. Maybe we’ll find some stairs, maybe there’s a loophole? We will try. 😔 I wish my sunflower tried (she did, I know, I’m just hurting). I’m actually finding this quite a difficult process. I wish I could have her back…
I’m not going to get lost into those thoughts right now. I’ll stick to the point of my reset button pressing day.
It means I will take standard breaks to check my phone but at acceptable times like my commute in (now) lunch break and commute home. I won’t have my personal phone on my desk because today is a working day and I’m going to respect that and give it my all. After all, I am passionate about my job and it deserves the best of me when I can so I will try. And I’m thankful it’s packed today with delivering training, 🙏🏻 therapy on lunch break 🙏🏻 stakeholder networking and supervision. I don’t always want a packed day but it should help to keep my focus on the task and not my mind lingering else where. We’ll see anyway.
I will acknowledge my feelings of sadness, frustration and anxiety. And do my best here forth.
I’m lucky enough to have my vlogging girl always there and ready checking in when I need her (thank you babe, you’ve been amazing) and tonight I will spend some QT with the Mr…without my phone. Just him and I, mindfully, valuing our time together and being back in the present. He’s got a lot on at the moment and if my mental health is declining too I think we both need to press our reset buttons to connect with the here and now and gratitude for who we are and where we are.
Happy resetting (I feel a bit lighter already)
Love always, Abz x💜 (tried to upload a suitable pic for today but it wouldn’t work)