I hope you’re having a good Tuesday and recovered from the bank holiday – whether that be an overindulge of the egg of Easter…or alcohol… or whatever floats your boat!
I’m okay…I had a good Easter holiday. I’d rate it pretty highly in a FOMO (Fear of missing out, *pffft* joke) contest, since it includes all of my favourite or popular things: food, walking, visit to my sunflower, QT with the Mr, girl time with a close friend, family, more family + alcohol (alcohol is not my friend! Spent ALL of Monday hungover, but alcohol would be on most people’s lists so I’m adding to a stereotypical idea of fun for a 20 something/’normal’ person’s pleasure with a pinch of sarcasm.) So yea, pretty indulgent, hey.
All in all it was actually grand. No sarcasm needed. It’s just I really don’t rate a day written off to a hangover. It’s not even an age thing, it’s not even my meds…I’m just not that into it. I like to have a few 🍸 and have fun, but the day after just went because we were lying in bed not even feeling sorry for ourselves just feeling like, ‘really?!’ It didn’t matter too much as it was a 4 day weekend. Was it worth the night of fun the night before? Yes, I’d give it that. The man and I don’t let our hair down that often getting ‘drunk’, we’d rather have a few … So I guess it was a nice change. There was plenty a good convo, a little jig here and there, music for the soul and quality time with good people.
I would, however, like to add a conversation that arose within the group of people we were out with… it shines light on something I reckon is quite common for people who don’t drink (much) for whatever the reason.
“Abs, get a cocktail?! You’ll have a cocktail right? I’m having another.”
“Ah, no thanks. I’m fine with red wine (in my head – I didn’t expect to drink more than one glass in the first place, 👍🏻 cheers 🙈)”
“Come on, Abs, it’s bank hols, pub on a Sun is a real treat!”
“No, I can only have a few types of alcohol that are okay with my meds like red wine, prosecco or champers, (trying to be honest even with people who don’t get it so that maybe one day they will) so I’ll stick to red wine, thanks”
“Really, what happens?!”
“They just really disagree with me.”
“YEAH but like, what happens?!”
Anyway.. Conversation eventually ended. 2 drinks later – from the same person – who I finally saw an ounce of understanding from …and then this happens…
“Come on Abs, get a liquor! Liquor, no? Go on Abs. I think you will *wink* ” from them, and a *bleugh, cringe/really?!!! face* from me.
Like come on guys, really?! Fair enough, you can get drunk and enjoy yourself. I’m not bothered and I don’t need alcohol to do the same. In fact it was adding to my anxiety of being out. I’ll drink what I want to. Regardless of being on meds or not. This is the culture we’re in today. Yes, there’s far more #eatclean #cleaneating (probably just as annoying as what I feel about ‘drinking lots and lots = good times’ style hashtags!) but still there is this approach and it’s so boring. They can think what they like about my decision re:drinking and maybe they’re curious what happens when I drink something incompatible with my meds (don’t use my illness for your entertainment whether intentional or not) but I think they’re boring. Like … seriously, get over it. If I want to drink, I’ll drink. If I don’t, I don’t. You’re an adult. Respect my decision. End of. I carried on with my red wine. And happily had a great night as it went the right way (as expected) for me. Good times.
Back to this ‘trying to speak up and openly about my mental health to a) raise awareness and understanding especially within my circle and b) be assertive and okay with my own preferences – I’m really just surprised how it doesn’t add up for some people. (Finally seeing the ‘math’ bit in my title hey?).
Actually the ‘Math’ refers to something else. More anxiety, (but I was grateful for that link to add to the flow!) how when it creeps up you get a bazillion thoughts that won’t leave your mind racing like the population of China doing the London Marathon… (I’m so weird). So true though. Like, last night I was freaking out because aside work this is my week to finalise planning a friend’s hen (really fun and I’m proper excited but still requires organisation skills that anxiety likes to throw out the window the little ****), sort out bills from a company that I can only describe in the 4 stars just used, and…well, my meds. My blooming meds.
Sooo many times this has happened. Not in all cases but in mine, I have to make an appointment to get more meds (ATM). I can’t just get a repeat prescription. It’s all, “yes, yes make an appointment we want to review you next time we give them to you”…(fair enough, sounds kind and thoughtful until)…me: “Okay, can you book me in just before I run out then?” “No, no- just call us and we’ll get you in.”
You call doctor a bit in advance. You can’t get an appointment til 2 weeks away. You run out of meds. You freak, get anxious, get low, and then your body and head on top of that has to deal with the physical dangerous symptoms of not taking your meds 👍🏻 sounds glorious, right?
I’m not trying to make a mockery of the GP/meds system as I’ve just moved and who knows, maybe it will turn out okay. But it’s really scary. Because. Well of all those things I just mentioned. And when anxiety hits and all those other thoughts come climbing in you’re kinda screwed.
Just giving you a glimmer into the world of meds and the math required of when to call the doctor/it’s never the right timing/when will anxiety kick in naturally/when will I react to not having meds/£&@/)(!?’ <- makes sense? 🙈 there’s no such thing as effectively multi-tasking (not that I’m a fan of the word ‘multi-tasking’ if you’ve seen my other blogs anyway) when I get like this, it’s more ‘multi-non-tasking’!
I usually end blogs on a happy note, so Urm..despite all I’ve just written which may seem moany…I did actually have a good weekend. And I stuck to my red wine. Despite that person and their views. I can challenge people on them, maybe when they’re sober- I’ve tried before. It’s not my job to change them though. Each to their own.
Cup of tea for me tonight!
Lots of love, Abs X 💙