#Headmeds – changing #mentalhealth #medication 

Hi All,

It’s been a good while but I’m back in blog mode.

May (pun intended as it happened in that magical month) have been because I got engaged, wahoo! And now I’m shouting it from the rooftops after keeping it hush hush to tell people properly; see a reaction face to face, hug til hearts content, and rejoice, over the news. It’s been blissful. 👌🏻

In fact, only last night was I saying to one of my best friends that it’s definitely been a natural SSRI (serotonin release) for the past few weeks.

But, back on planet earth, wherever that is?! (I’m still on planet engagement,) I know, that I’ve been toying with the idea of trying out some new medication.

So, I went to the doctor after a little research and help from a friend, a read through reviews online and a chat with my partner, and I’ve got the prescription at the ready. I need to wait 48hrs for my old drug to leave my body before embarking on the new one. A ‘one’ which scared me as sunflower had it. A ‘one’ popularly known in America. A ‘one’ with a reputation. But, here I go.

I’m changing because my eating problems flared up a while back and came with a vengeance. And this one supposedly has treated it (still can’t go into detail or call it anything – it’s a process 🙏🏻) and A&D, so looks like a combo in treating the terrible trio that weave in and out of my life like a messy patterned maze.

I guess I could call it ‘ADE’, when all three are present in my life. It helps to nick name things instead of label them. There is a difference.

I’m a bit apprehensive of the change as usually there can be side effects but I’m ready.

I’ve never been so ‘ready’ in my life. From March this year change was in the air for me but not the one I breathed. I could see it but not take it in. I had to be patient. I trusted in the flow of the universe to let it come to me when it was ready to. By the end of May I sit here writing with a shining sapphire on my finger and a new job offer that I’ll embark on next month.

I used to be afraid of change. It really freaked me out. Uncertainty and change (2 things that are for certain in life) always petrified me. The way sunflower died was partly the cause of this as I never knew what would be taken from me at any given moment, like her life was. So I’d hold on, pray and strain to keep anything I could in a routine way as possible.

Times change and so do people’s recovery. I’ve always disagreed with the ‘leopards can’t change their spots’ analogy. Yes they can. People can change. I never thought I’d be one to say this but – I’m ready for this. Change. Yes – trial and error, especially when it comes to medication can be risky but my most attractive trait in others and that I admire in myself – resilience – will give me the light.

That and all my beautiful circle, who’s reactions to my latest good news has swept me from cloud engagement 9 to cloud 201.

There is no price, no price in the world, that can pay for my support network. Or yours. Or even yours. Treasure them tightly. They’re your candles in power cuts, duvets in the cold, and laughter in the sadness.

Love only,

Abs X 💛

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