I almost went a weekday without posting. But my cheeky everyday readers egged me on so I’m chilling in bed and off I write.
Funnily enough, one of the reasons I didn’t feel like writing this morning (rare, I can usually write about whatever, whenever and wherever!) is that I was okay 👍🏻. Yup…A OK 👌🏻
My busy day that I’d planned since last year and surprisingly wasn’t even anxious about yest went extraordinarily well. It was a huge achievement where I was on a bit of high after; usually with a high fol(low)s a..you guessed it…’low’, but I was okay. And it felt nice ☺️ it still does.
Me in my Jim jams with the man watching footie and me typing away – I’m content. A really nice stable emotion and state that doesn’t (sadly) come naturally to me. I say sadly but with all my heightened sense of emotion, my ability to feel and empathise is actually something I somehow and somewhat pride myself in. It allows me to be the best friend I could possibly be or to support others through thick and thin, and of course – allows me to excel in my work. Yes, my big heart is heavy and just about fits in my body because it swells up and captures everyone else’s energy -good or bad – along my merry little way but…I wouldn’t be me without it.
BUT those few days in between my highs and lows that are ‘contentedness’ are so few and special that I treat them like rare diamonds wrapped in gold. I cherish them!
So I’m just enjoying it ATM and making the most of my ‘okayness’. As mindfulness preaches…just ‘be’ing. We are human beings not human doings! Yet we always want to be seen or known as doing something because as mentioned before … *read in annoying 20something voice* “We’re just ‘soooo busy’ which gets us ‘sooooo tired’ and so yea.” I the rebel am doing the opposite and in bed.
I also came across a good little pic of how we can pretend to be.. And to be ‘okay’ in the way society wants us to. See below.
Ring a bell? I’m pretty proud of the fact I can now say ‘no, not really’ in response to the ‘you okay’ Q’s that meet and greet us day to day. I can say it now to a good chunk of my friends without feeling shame or awkwardness. I know there’s a comedien who once told the comical story of how we ask how each other are but what we really want is an autopilot response of ‘yea good thanks, you?’ and it doesn’t mean a thing. In fact if someone said they aren’t great, we’d sigh role our eyes and be awkward! How are you and fake fine thank you’s mean exactly the same as ‘hello’.
In fact with most of my friends we’ll say, ‘hey, you ok?’ ‘Yea, you?’ Then within 5/10 mins of seeing each other, with my close friends we I’ll then ask them again – but it will be with real meaning. Where they feel comfortable to elaborate on how they actually are. Because I will listen, actively and genuinely and they have my full attention.
There are many circumstances where we might feel it’s not appropriate to say how we really feel, but it definitely doesn’t help us with honesty and stigma bashing in the mental health world. Sometimes we just might not feel bothered to say the truth. We want a break from it. I have a few family members and friends who can just tell by the tone of my voice, silence or hurt in my eyes reflecting in theirs. I’m so transparent it’s unbelievable! But at least I’m raw, authentic me.
I try and be truthful to those that matter and where I can. Checking in is important, and in emotionally free spaces (either a natural environment or one of safety that’s been created), I’m ‘honesty’ all the way. Do I apologise for saying, ‘I know I’m being repetitive but I feel really low/anxious again..’? Yes, I do. Do I feel a bit insecure and extra vulnerable when I express, ‘I’m not okay?’ Yes, I do. Do I sometimes think about the people reading this blog probably thinking I’m a human yoyo who is crazy? Yes…I do. But that’s okay…and I’m okay with it…okay!? 😉
Next time you check in with your mates or fam…maybe ask them twice…and let them tell you. Genuinism is a specialty all your loved ones deserve,
Lots of love and okayness, Abs 💕 X