I hope you had a lovely weekend!
You’ll see I added a pic, (well I hope it worked anyway) wahey. Not from the help of my ‘course’ though. All me, well done me. So this course I was supposed to go on, it all kinda went wrong you see…
I suppose after a week of battling Anxiety and Depression (I’m going to refer to this as A&D sometimes) pretty head on, by Friday night I was out like a light! *Which I give thanks to, as sleep isn’t always easy many may know with A&D in your life or just being a human anyway*. I turned up motivated and raring to go. The Tutor was warm and friendly, lovely speaking voice and it looked like someone I’d have been inspired by if I’d stayed the whole duration, and a nice bunch of friendly girls as coursemates too. But I didn’t stay the whole duration. By warm up exercise 3, I was already planning my escape route. 🏃
This is something I think a lot of people with Anxiety and especially Social Anxiety can really relate to. Firstly, if we ever are in this position – I think we deserve a mighty round of applause for trying! 👏🏻I mean it. I say this because if D got the better of us I’m sure a lot of the time we’d stay under the safety blanket in our beds; our forts of protection. I say ‘our’ maybe others’ aren’t always a ‘bed’ as such, but it’s likely they’ll have a safety net or plan of some kind. Mine is bed. It swallows me up whole but in a way I feel safe. So the fact I actually TRIED to go on this course I knew was mighty great of me. (If you’ve been reading this blog from the beginning you might be wandering hmmm is she being sarcastic but actually, I’m not. Small victories all the way. Hurrah!) It really is about celebrating these little ‘wins’ that show us we still have fight in us. 💪🏻 (hence the title).
Even if I had stayed in bed, I’d try and see the ‘win’ in that too (maybe not when I’m so low and depressed it drowns my own reflection) but when I’m ready, I’ll appreciate that I took time for Self-Care.
I realise relaying events (and from feedback from the young audience in my Youth wellbeing project) some people reading might be curious what symptoms to look out for when spotting A&D for how to help a friend, or how do we know when it’s happening? (as a lot of the time it happens without us knowing it is..until in all its mighty it takes over, the cheek of it.) Well for me it can take place in many forms. I will dedicate I’m sure some blog posts to highlight more depth to this and detail to enhance understanding but here are a few examples:
It can materialise slowly…but esculate quickly AND vice versa. (Clever fiend with many talents the nasty piece of ….) Anyway! Yes, it’s not a ‘one size fits all’ type of thing, hence why it’s not always simple to diagnose. For me, it can creep up by a collection of words or nagative thoughts piling in my head making it too high to knock down with its solid ground roots. Or it can be physical, increased heart rate, particular discomfort and hurt in my chest. (This is the usual place I feel it, a lot of people feel it in their stomach/nausea).
The points about the physical symptoms of A&D are really important here. (I’ve only mentioned a fraction of them) this is because there isn’t parity of mental and physical health. They’re NOT perceived as equal. So if you or anyone else you know think it’s all in our heads, it’s not, it can torment us physically too. Joy.
Key messages today: SELF CARE means we’ll win the war either way. Although Anxiety won the battle and forced me to leave in my uncomfortable state, I won the war, I did what was right, and needed for me at that time. So although in my (hopefully) attached pic Anxiety can swallow it up, it really is a grotesque creature and often spits us right back out. Leaving us to wipe of the phlegm and however slowly, pick ourselves up again.
Peace, love and resilience to get you through a rainy Monday, Abz X 💙